Author of Yearning For Justice: A Mother's Musings To Her Future Child  
ISBN10: 0901931217  
ISBN13: 9780901931214  
Fund Contribution: POSB savings 279-12328-0

26 November 2008: my first handphone.

I received texts from some people randomly. Not the same people but different which is like “why do you text me out of the blue?”

Talking about my handphone, I think one of my sd card is spoilt :/ what’s important is not the money but my photos inside it >.<

I still remember how I got my first phone, back in 2007, when my teachers called my parents to ask them to get me a phone. In the end, I got it, my first phone: a second hand phone.

After which, I get myself a phone by myself on 26 November 2008. Then I showed both the phones to my bf immediately. Hahax... before that, I do have phones, like slide phones, 3G, iPhone etc...

However, those were not by me, guys lend it to me. They claim to give me, but I treat it as borrowing and return as soon as I got my own phones.

The reason why I do not accept things from guys is because of this phones incident. They get you a phone so they are expecting to be able to contact you. They will pay for your bills which means you must be contactable by them asap.

To me, since there’s so many conditions, forget about it. I’ll let go and get things by myself. By that time, things will be simpler, I don’t need you, you may go.

It’s not as if I’m some kinda prisoner or criminal to be questioned. This is not the kinda unconditional love that I’m looking for.

Back in college, there were weird guys. By going out with them once, they broadcast to almost everyone like as though you two are dating. It’s like, it’s just two person going out. Moreover, it’s outing after some gathering. Not really outing, but walking in the same direction. Don’t distort the truth.

Some guys will tell you they are dating other girls, I wonder if they are trying to make the girl jealous or what. Sorry, I don’t get jealous, I get pushed away. Telling me the presence of another simply makes me say, “Go ahead” automatically. Adding with phrases like “if you want to be my girlfriend, I’ll break up with her” or “I’m with her because I’ve yet to find a better one”

It brings questions to my head. How much do you love? What kinda love is that? What is the definition of “a better one”?

I look up upon my parents in terms of relationship. Because I myself also doubt if I can ever love like they do. They call each other friend, no sweet words, no physical contact etc. Yet, whoever sees them will go: your parents are so loving. They do argue, perhaps about us or about food. But they are so strong and firm in their love and stand that when people tries to break them up, their efforts goes down the drain.

Inside my heart, I think such guys are jerks.
I’m referring to those who’ve got girlfriend but still trying to get into close contact with other females.


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